Suicide

 

Stacy’s (that was not her real name) lifeless and decomposing body was found in her four-bedroom duplex on the 14th of May, 2020, just a few weeks after she signed the biggest contract in town.

 

The incident caused an uproar in the neighboring community and all over the country. The 37-year-old IT guru had passed on under mysterious circumstances.

 

With blood trails around her room, a pen knife, and a slashed wrist, Stacy’s demise was suspected to be a murder case but this was dismissed after the investigating team found a purple leathered journal behind the pillow on the bed in her supposed room.

 

The content of the diary showed that nobody killed Stacy. At least, maybe not directly…

 

She committed suicide.

 

The Content of Stacy’s Handwritten Journal

 

NB – I rearranged the significant diary notes as chronologically as I could so that everyone can understand. Please take note of the dates.

 

3rd of May, 2022

 

I had just finished delivering a presentation to sell my newly launched software program, Spencer to one of the biggest tech companies in the country.

 

Spencer is not just my first successful personal project, it is a personal information manager software designed to manage tasks and contacts with unique features including calendaring, note-taking, journaling, web surfing, and other features. I must confess, having a hundred and one people applauding me on their feet felt close to fulfillment but it still wasn’t it.

 

When I finally had a moment to myself away from the hustle and bustle of the yearly software exhibition event, the first thing I looked out for was Tekena’s call.

 

Sadly, he still hadn’t called. Now, if you know the back story, you would know that I wasn’t supposed to be expecting his call but I did expect it all the same.

 

We had an argument sometimes back… You already know the story.

 

***********

 

26th of March, 2022

 

Tekena had asked me for some money to get himself the latest Gucci designer shirts in town, “1500 dollars! That’s outrageous! ” I exclaimed.

 

“Babe, c’mon, it’s not so expensive. Moreover, we both know that you can afford it,” he said, rather nonchalantly,

 

I stared at him like I had just seen a ghost, I was livid. I had just paid the rent for the 4-bedroom luxury duplex that we both lived in. Just last week, I sent him the equivalent of 1000 dollars in our local currency for his sister’s supposed surgery. I don’t know why but I have a gut feeling that he lied about his sister’s ill health but I still gave him the money all the same. He changed his wardrobe just two months ago, guess who footed the bills?

 

Me! Yes, me!

 

As of yesterday, I was close to broke with less than a thousand dollars to my name because I just finished paying for his birthday present, a brand new 2020 model Benz. His birthday was still a few weeks away but I didn’t want to take chances.

 

Now, he had the guts to ask me for 1500 dollars for a designer shirt!

 

“I don’t have any money to give you,” I announced, punching on my I-pad without taking a glance at his half-naked frame on my big bed.

 

“So, you are saying that you can’t help me with just 1500 dollars?”

 

“Yes,” I answered rather bluntly,

 

“Okay. Cool. Just don’t flare up when you see me hooking up with some boxed-up girls that can afford my bills.” he answered, turning his back to me to do something I couldn’t see from the chair I was seated.

 

“You must be crazy for saying that!”

 

He turned back in a split second, the look on his face seemed like someone who just got the shock of his life.

 

“You must be mad if you think I will beg you to stay.” I continued, fuming,

 

By this time he had already sat upright, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something nasty like he always does or threaten to leave and never come back.

 

“Stand up, Tekena,” I said, tightening my fist rapidly,

 

He looked at me with confusion written all over his oblong fair-skinned face but I wasn’t ready to bulge, “Stand up!” I was the one doing the ordering but I involuntarily jumped on my feet at the command meant for Tekena.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you fine?” He asked, standing up immediately. I wasn’t sure whether it was out of surprise or out of concern but I cared less.

 

“Get out of my house!” I added, seething with anger.

 

“Are you crazy?”

 

“You are the one that is crazy! You are here in my house, eating my food, sleeping on my bed, spending my money and you stand there like a buffoon to ask me if I’m crazy? No, you are crazy!”

 

Before he could say jack, I hurried out of the room to call my security. I didn’t follow the security back to the room, I only gave him a strict order to get Tekena out of my house.

 

“The day he sets his foot in this house, you will take a walk out of my house,” I said those words to my gatekeeper after he successfully bundled Tekena out.

 

Surprisingly, I felt relieved after the hullabaloo.

 

I was tired of being threatened, tired of getting bullied to silence… Tired of being the victim as always.

 

However, it only took me a few hours of sleep to realize what I had done.

 

I had chased away the only person in my corner. The relationship that I had been tending to for over 7 years had just been flushed down the drain.

 

I know Tekena is a buffoon, a bully, and an abuser but I had gotten so used to his abuses that It felt like a normal part of my life.

 

I feel so empty.

 

*************

 

5th of April, 2022

 

It’s been over a week now since I heard from Tekena and I must confess, I miss him… Nothing feels the same since he left.

 

Trust me, I have called his line severally but it has not been going through… Seemed like he blocked me off or something.

 

As I walked through my black iron gate and made for the entrance of my ash-painted duplex, I took a glance at the Benz that I got for Tekena. It had arrived in my compound a few days after our brawl but it was just lying there useless.

 

***************

 

10th of April, 2022

 

In just how many weeks, Tekena has moved on to another lady. He even had the guts to post pictures of them on Instagram…

 

Good riddance!

 

****************

 

17th of April, 2022

 

My mom just called…

 

You already know what she wants, money as usual.

 

“Your brother needs some money to buy some books in school, your sister’s uniform is torn and she needs to change it. Even your father…” She reeled without pause,

 

“Mom! Stop it! I have told you not to call that man my father!” I corrected. At least he seemed to be better than the deadbeat man that happened to be my father but that’s not even the point.

 

My mom has the habit of coercing me to send money, and some more and so much more on different occasions.

 

Her current husband wasn’t even my father, he is my stepfather and the brothers and sisters my mom referred to were step-siblings. So, she should just cut the bull crap!

 

Seems like that is the only thing I’m good enough for… Dashing out money.

 

That is what she calls me for, that is what everyone wants from me or maybe it’s because that is the only thing I can offer.

 

******************

 

5th of May 2022

 

I just emptied the last round of money that I made from Spencer software to the final of the 10 orphanages I selected.

 

I sold Tekena’s car too…  I donated the 17 million naira proceeds to a charity foundation.

 

I looked at my account balance… A cumulative amount of 156 dollars was all that was left, “that is my token for the bank” I said with a giggle.

 

If there is a place called heaven, then, I am gladly going to heaven broke.

 

Finally, I can rest… If at all, there is any on the other side.

 

***************

 

Grace had this to say about Stacy, “She was always full of life, jovial and fun to be with. There is no boring time with Stacy.”

 

“Stacy is one of my closest friends and associate in the tech establishment which we co-owned, she is the smartest person I know… She just sold Spencer, the biggest software in town. Stacy is a money minting machine that is always ready to churn out intelligent ideas and initiatives,” Timothy reported. He and Stacy co-founded a Tech logistics company.

 

“No one could have ever guessed that she was bottling up so much on the inside. Such a happy soul” He added with a faint smile.

 

“She is my best friend, and I must say that I didn’t see this coming. ” Grace added, “Sometimes we would be together with a couple of other friends and then, she would just suddenly ghost out. She would look distant and out of this realm but with a few calls or pats, she would jerk back to the moment and play like there was no problem. I should have suspected that something was wrong, I should have.” She sobbed.

 

“She always calls to check up on me and ask how I’m faring but somehow I didn’t just think to ask her if she was indeed fine because she didn’t seem like anything less,” Timothy concluded.

 

When Grace was asked if she knew about Tekena, she said, “That bastard!” She cursed, “he is a good-for-nothing fool, and God will punish him wherever he is. ” She confirmed that Stacy acted like she had gotten over him. “We both celebrated their break apart, she even called it prison break.” She concluded.

 

Her gateman reported, “Aunty is an easy-going woman, very nice and kind. She can’t hurt a fly. I feel sad say she die. Now, the hunger wey she save me from go waya me taya.” He lamented in Pidgin English.

 

Seems like even after her death, people wouldn’t stop expecting money from her.

 

According to hearsays, Tekena has relocated to the US and is probably having the time of his life with some newly found ‘maga’.

 

Now that the breadwinner is gone, Stacy’s mom would have no one to report her children’s torn uniforms and overdue school fees to. The last I confirmed, Stacy’s step-siblings have not dropped out of school.

 

Stacy didn’t have to die. Not then, and definitely not that way.

 

Depression is real, confide in your loved ones (family or not) and seek therapy while you can.

 

Check up on your friends and family too while they are here. Who knows, you just might be able to save them from snuffing out their own lives.

 

If we take our mental health seriously and make it a point of duty to reach out to the ones we love, perhaps, we might be able to beat down the outrageous numbers of daily suicide cases worldwide.

 

Before I forget, Stacy’s gatekeeper got another job as the gateman of a tech company… That sounds like better pay.

 

I will be closing with this evergreen paraphrased statement, “You might not be able to dictate to people, how they should treat you but can decide on how best to react to it.”

 

In all that you do, choose life always and say no to suicide!

This story was written to commemorate the world’s suicide day which holds annually on September 10.

Olamide Sodamade is an aspiring Public Health Practitioner, Content Writer and Mental Health Advocate based in Ogun State, Nigeria.

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1 thought on “Say No to Suicide! – Stacy’s Journal by Olamide Sodamade

  1. What a pity regarding Stacy!—Life is unique and unrepeatable. It is worthwhile if people get to know that they are dearly loved by God Who is the Creator of mankind. The basic and primary and most important love affair any human being can have is the Love of God and through that union, the love of others will flow in an orderly fashion.
    Unfortunately, when this primary bond with God is not taken care of, there is room for lots of mistakes, disordered relationships, heartbreaks, mental distress etc.
    It is worthwhile spreading the love of God around us— a smile here, words of encouragement, praying for others, rendering help etc.
    We should invest time and effort to get to know,love and serve God and also love and serve Him in others. That will deal a mortal blow to our pride, which is the source of depression and suicidal tendencies.
    Everyone has pride but the virtue of humility has to be consciously and constantly cultivated and exercised in order to keep crushed, the
    negative tendencies of pride. With humility,flourishing of mental health is certain— individually and collectively.

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